so heres a question (or two):
do you mix business and pleasure - or - do you keep them separate?
in either case - how honest are you about it? is there an issue of honesty to this topic?
for my example (and the titles name), i can tell you that i keep a fairly high wall between what i discuss with people i know from business vs. what i discuss with people i know from pleasure/non-business. i keep completely separate email accts, i rarely invite the two groups of people into the same party i might be hosting, and if i do discuss any bridging-topics i rarely make the effort to have the person walk across the bridge with me, even if they show an interest.
for instance, lets say my coworker asks me what i did last weekend. i will say something like "i saw xyz movie. did you see it too?". it would rarely occur to me to INVITE a coworker to see a movie on the weekend even if we find we have similar interests in movies.
also, lets say im at a nude beach and i ask a new friend "what do you do for a living? i work in software.". i will rarely parlay such a discussion into technical (or political) details like whether there are job-openings in their company (or mine) - even if this friend would be qualified to carry the discussion into work-realms.
i keep fairly strict boxes between some aspects of my life. do yall? if you do, is it ok to do so? is it honest? if not? why not? (i actually meant "if you dont keep boxes, why not?" and "do yall [if] NOT keep up these boxes/walls?")
do you mix business and pleasure - or - do you keep them separate?
in either case - how honest are you about it? is there an issue of honesty to this topic?
for my example (and the titles name), i can tell you that i keep a fairly high wall between what i discuss with people i know from business vs. what i discuss with people i know from pleasure/non-business. i keep completely separate email accts, i rarely invite the two groups of people into the same party i might be hosting, and if i do discuss any bridging-topics i rarely make the effort to have the person walk across the bridge with me, even if they show an interest.
for instance, lets say my coworker asks me what i did last weekend. i will say something like "i saw xyz movie. did you see it too?". it would rarely occur to me to INVITE a coworker to see a movie on the weekend even if we find we have similar interests in movies.
also, lets say im at a nude beach and i ask a new friend "what do you do for a living? i work in software.". i will rarely parlay such a discussion into technical (or political) details like whether there are job-openings in their company (or mine) - even if this friend would be qualified to carry the discussion into work-realms.
i keep fairly strict boxes between some aspects of my life. do yall? if you do, is it ok to do so? is it honest? if not? why not? (i actually meant "if you dont keep boxes, why not?" and "do yall [if] NOT keep up these boxes/walls?")
posted by:
|
Los Angeles
|
-
Re: business vs. pleasure
Sun, July 20, 2008 - 3:42 PMThe distinctions between the boxes for business and pleasure as you've laid down are sharper than they've been for me. I can see what you're getting at and generally until a certain trust has been established, I'll attempt to be by naturally charming self, or at least that persona that's evolved for me in the business world. But, there have been many exceptions. Some business relationships have evolved into great friendships lasting many years. I've also become good friends with a number of employees and coworkers and in some cases of these relationships have moved into the romantic realm, though that can get touchy.
I'm much more cautious about bringing a personal or pleasureable relationship into the business realm than the other way around. -
-
Re: business vs. pleasure
Mon, July 21, 2008 - 12:24 AMyeah, theres definitely a trust issue going on... and i agree that i USED to find it easier to scale the wall of trust from the business side. however in the past few years, i have changed and find it easier to trust my friends with my business side.
now that im thinking about it tho - im probably less "wall-e" (i wanna see this movie) than i portrayed initially. altho i cannot think of ANY good (or even medium) friends that ive got - where i met them thru work. otoh, i CAN think of a couple of contracts that ive worked on in business that i developed from the friendship side (altho only within the past couple years).
i wonder if theres a gender-generalization i can make here. guys being more "separating" and gals being more "integrating". i dont know...
-
Re: business vs. pleasure
Fri, July 25, 2008 - 2:49 PM
Charles wrote "I'm much more cautious about bringing a personal or pleasureable relationship into the business realm than the other way around."
That's really interesting Charles. It makes me think.
Do you think that's because to you, you are more you in your personal world? And, taking someone out of the personal and bringing them into the the business would be like lowering the quality of friendship you have with that person?
-
-
Re: business vs. pleasure
Sat, July 26, 2008 - 2:38 AMBusiness is business. There are deadlines, clearly defined rules, responsibilities, quotas, parting people and companies from their money, and occasionally there is the law to keep everything up and up. I've had a number of jobs where small mistakes would cost lives, so frequently I've found it necessary to wind down after work and and enjoy hanging with friends, getting some exercise or maybe shooting the shit a little. I try not to burden my friends with work related issues, and appreciate when my friends don't bring their jobs into our personal relationships. This doesn't mean I'm not willing to help someone get through a rough patch or provide some consulting in areas I can be of assistance, but when the work day is over, there are a lot of things I'd rather be doing and I'd say the friends I find myself are much the same.
I'm much more lenient with friends and family than I would generally be with business associates. As I said - business is business.
-
-
-
Re: business vs. pleasure
Sun, July 20, 2008 - 6:43 PMDepends on whether we have similar interests and how much I like them. If I find out someone from work has the same interest in movies and I like them a lot, I'll go to the movies with them. If I don't like them as much, I'll probably make up an excuse as to why I can't go. -
-
Re: business vs. pleasure
Mon, July 21, 2008 - 12:28 AMso youre also saying that scaling the "wall" is easier to attempt from the business side? you dont have much personal-contacts that you "convert" into business issues? the walls are pretty separate for you?
toss out my gender-theory... lol
i find that im more "honest" with my friends than i allow myself to be with my coworkers. hence, ive RECENTLY found it easier to translate friends into coworkers - rather than the other way around... something about honesty and trust is involved here... -
-
Re: business vs. pleasure
Thu, July 24, 2008 - 12:14 AMYour segregation seems pretty extreme. I'm pretty friendly with my workmates and discuss work issues with non workmates. One spends most of our awake moments with the people at work so it feels right to show an interest in their lives. Not so much as to pry or stalk, but enough to show that one cares.
-
Re: business vs. pleasure
Thu, July 24, 2008 - 6:28 PMI'm not naturally extroverted, so yes, scaling the "wall" is a lot easier to do from the business side. There's also the fact that working with someone gives me a good reason to approach them and, in part, get to know them. If it weren't for work, I'd be reading, or doing something I normally do by myself.
-
-
-
Re: business vs. pleasure
Thu, July 24, 2008 - 7:58 AMMany times I've been involved with musicians I was working closely with and when the relationship ends so does the professional relationship, oftentimes leaving good projects on indefinite hiatus. Not sure what the solution is, as it is definitely a turn-on for me to be with someone who is (a) digging my music and (b) is a good musician. Whenever I've dated a complete non-musician it falls flat pretty quick. There is an intimacy to making music with someone, and I've found I can't reach the same level of connection with someone whose passion is writing, animals, or cooking. Of course I also have a thing for the mentally ill, and they for me.
gotta crap now.
Q
-
Re: business vs. pleasure
Thu, July 24, 2008 - 3:13 PM>> do you mix business and pleasure <<
the line is VERY blurry for me. I often mix the two. Everything mixes in my head in one way or another. :) -
-
Re: business vs. pleasure
Thu, July 24, 2008 - 4:04 PMi just got back from a counseling session and we were discussing this exact issue. i figured out that SOME of what is going on (with me) is that i have a "face" that i use in business environments that i am not comfortable with using for my friends. this face/exterior feels "fake" or not-honest to me, so it causes a "wall" to go up between my business contacts and social contacts. it is only after ive known someone awhile and "let down my guard" or "removed my face" that i can turn the association into more friendly terms.
what is truly weird is that apparently this "face" must be totally in my head - because people who know me in both realms have never commented on it. whereas, _I_ feel it very distinctly - i treat people (and expect to be treated) differently when im wearing my business-face... hmmm...
-
